I've been gone for quite a while now but I felt drawn to come back here. I know no one comes here anymore so I can be me here and not worry about writring for an audience.
REading "a bitta this a bitta that" just knocked me for a loop. Here I am now with a (nearly) five month old baby girl. My desire granted. My last entry? "I have moved". I got pregnant like a WEEK after I wrote that. Pretty funny eh?
Meaghan Hazel is the focus of our household now- besides Christ of course but really, more time goes into her, I think. Today she was kicking a little ball while sitting down. I could tell she knew SHE was the one doing it- she watched intently each time and watched the ball roll away. A big smile every so often. What a joy this kid is. Even more so when her dad gets home and we can all be together.
Reading the way I felt about Brandon makes me so embarrassed. I did give it up to God though and he brought Brandon back to ONtario. For this I am really grateful.
I'll be back. I missed this place.
current noise: Jars of Clay- Good Monsters
I have moved to a new place.
Here is the address:http://humbleservant.blogstream.com/
Is Brandon ok? Has his mom been up to her usual psychotic tricks again?? Are things good with you and Lloyd? This can't be easy for him. I'm praying for you all.
Brandon is as ok as he can be with his mom as she is, me as I am and Lloyd as he is. I am not the most patient person in the world with him and I have to say honestly that sometimes his very presence is enough to tick me off. For example, he went for a sleepover at a friend's on Saturday night which was fan-freakin'-tastic, however, he came back the next day MUCH earlier than I had expected and I found myself resenting it when I had to drag my butt off the couch and put some appropriate clothes on. He says (what I sometimes consider to be) stupid things, thoughtless things (much like myself)and I snap at him.
If I don't pray every day, if I don't REALLY repent every day, it's not good.
We still haven't gotten into a routine yet and church and school are demanding much more of Lloyd and I than we are happy giving.
tonight: rugby practise for Brandon and then Sunday school teacher meeting(which we don't really want to do but no one else in our pathetic church will volunteer for it)
Wednesday: Bringing Up Boys seminar AND parent teacher meeting
Thursday: YOuth Group
Friday: grocery shopping
so we actually have ONE night this week where we can sit down as a family and eat. OH yeah, we've also been asked to go to a birthday party on Tuesday which we should probably REALLY go to because it's a struggling Christian that we love but don't get to see that much so there's a little more GUILT on my plate.
I actually LIED to the youth coordinator so I could get Tuesday night off. Incidentally she suggested on Friday that we go over there for dinner to meet tonight and said she had to ask her husband first and I have YET to hear from her. She's really starting to piss me off. EVeryone is. :)
My mother in law is coming for a 2 week stay next Monday. Brandon's 13th birthday is Tuesday. He's getting a new guitar, I bought $100 worth of new cd's for him to help replace the crap I had to throw away, he's having a big birthday party, Lloyd has to take two full days off of work to pick his mother up at the airport and take her back (part of living on the coast means a four hour trip to the airport) so this kid is costing us a damn fortune. But I'm not bitter. ;) God help me.
I'm going away for a week starting next Sunday. God is good.
I'm going to a remote Christian camp for kids where we will be doing end-of-the-season repair work for the morning and have the afternoon off to do whatever we want. NO tv, radio, computer, newspaper, nothing. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to just getting away and being with God. My best friend Karen is also coming and so is an older native lady named Norma from our town with whom I get along amazingly. She is also a recovering alcoholic- we share war stories.
Lisa....haven't heard anything from or about Lisa since she left the hospital. she made a 5 day attempt at sobriety in the hospital, or maybe she was just getting her strength back so she could go poke herself again. I want to throttle her. She called Brandon last week and lied to him, saying she'd been clean for 20 days. Impossible, I know for a fact. I wish she'd just make a choice and DO it.
Things are pretty good with me and LLoyd considering we're newlyweds who never get to have sex. We are talkin g about getting up at 4 to go jogging and I really want to do it. I want my body back.
I get to thinking about my age and the likelihood of ever having a baby... I think about WHY I want a baby...I think about the fact that everyone I know (almost) is having a baby. I wonder what I will do if I don't.
I guess the reasons I want to have a baby are purely selfish and perhaps God won't let me raise a child of His until I get it together. Then again, I AM raising a child of His right now, and what if it's my only chance?
Why do I want a child of my own?
I know it will bring me closer to God. I know it will give me understanding of Him that I couldn't have otherwise.
I really want the experience of carrying a baby to term. I was pregnant once and I blew it. I really want to know the fullness of that miracle.
I really want to have that closeness with another human being, that total dependency on me. I want to have that bond that can only exist between mother and infant.
I want Lloyd to have a chance to be a father. I want him to be able to explore himself in ways he never has. I want him to have this experience so much. I want to see that part of him.
I want to teach this child myself. I want to expereince the joys of watching a child make those magical connections, of trials and failures. I want to forge those memories.
I want to re-learn everything about the world through my child. I want a chance to be a little girl again and see the wonder of this earth through my child's eyes.
I want a chance to teach someone about Jesus from the beginning. To make Him a part of our lives that touches all of our hearts.
I would like Brandon to have the opportunity to be a "brother" because, in esence, he would be. He and the child would have the relationship of siblings even though they are not. He's always wanted to be a brother.
I want to be loved like God wants to be loved by us.
I can't stop watching the coverage. I wish I could do something more real than sending money.
I kind of really hurt my knee on Sunday but it's getting better now. Still limping around though. Unfortunately I missed getting paid time and a half for work yesterday. But you know what? I COULDN'T CARE LESS!!!! It was nice to not go in. Brandon starts school today and things go back to whatever passes for normal around here.
My husband and I are kind of p o 'ed about our church lately- to the point where we are actually talking about going elsewhere. THIS we definitely need to give to God.
In a week Cheryl comes to interview us and we're starting to get nervous. Oh yeah- I still haven't told Brandon about my past yet- better get on THAT pretty soon eh? It's hard to know how much to tell him. I think today after school might be a good time- he only has a half day. I'm pretty nervous about that too.
On a really cool note- my husband and I actually got to have sex twice during my really fertile time this weekend so ....... we're praying....
|» the saga of Lisa continues- PLEASE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!|
A friend of ours came and got Lisa from Brantford 6 days ago and took her up to his place in the middle of nowhere in nothern Ont. It seems like a last ditch effort. An update:|
----- Original Message -----
To: paula howley
Sent: Tuesday, August 30, 2005 10:48 AM
I tried to phone, but your phone keeps ringing busy since this A.M.
Kevin told Lisa that we all wanted her to go get help because she is hallucinating and delusional; she flipped out on him. Five days, Paula, no drugs and her mind is still messed up. I spoke to her awhile ago, and her thoughts have not changed at all. She said she will never speak to me again and she is heading back to Brantford. Kevin said he will drive her back, she wanted to hitch hike with a big hockey bag and garbage bag full of her clothes. Not good news Paula, her check will be in tomorrow and she will be full of cocaine again. She does not understand that we were trying to help her in any way we could. She is very angry because we do not believe her. They should be in town by about 6:00. Don't tell Brandon 'till we see what happens, O.K. Love Mom
I know what's going on, Kevin told me. He phoned me about two hours after you did.
Brandon knows everything except the nasty details which are unneccesary. He needs to know the truth though. He knows Kevin called this morning- he was right there. Brandon and I had a good talk today and we actually got down on our knees together and prayed. He thanked me for the prayer. We are asking God to protect her until the time that she will look and see the light.
I cried a little in front of him and told him that none of us really knows what to do even though we wish we did. He is ok. He is in good spirits believe it or not. He said "There's nothing else we can do- it's up to my mom now."
I have shown him on the internet what cocaine does to a person, and I have explained to him that she is seeing and hearing things that are not there and that she is not in touch with reality. He knows that she needs medical treatment.
Kevin thought it best that Brandon not talk to her - he told me some of the stuff that she is saying- but Brandon and I both feel that this might be the only thing that can bring her to reality. Brandon knows to disregard her nonsensical talk if she calls and he is ready to tell her how he feels. I think he is ready too Margie. I have also told him why she wants to go home- that there is a cheque there and she wants to do more drugs. I told him that the pull of the drugs is very strong to her right now.
Brandon also further opened up to me today and told me more of what his mom has told him which, to me, is a huge deal. It shows me that he knows he is not betraying his mother by telling us what her delusions are. She told him that Brandon is going to meet a girl named Britney or something like that and she will have cancer and that Brandon will take a ceramic mask to her in the hospital and put it on her and she will be healed and then Brandon will know that his mom healed her. He knows that that's off the wall. He understands that she is not in her right mind.
I know the thought of him knowing all this stuff is horrifying but Margie he is old enough to know the truth and he deserves to know it. Lloyd and I have been doing this from the get go. He needs to know that he can trust us. If we are constantly hiding stuff from him, we'll eventually slip up and our words will mean nothing to him. His trust in us is crucial for the next few years.
I understand your desire to protect him and I told him the same thing. I said (as I cried) "Brandon, my first instinct is to not tell you any of this- to shield you and protect you because I hate telling you things that hurt." I asked him would he rather know the truth or have us shield him. He wants (and can handle so far) the truth. I prayed about this Margie, I feel that this is what Jesus would do. We hugged and told each other that we love each other and he knows he can come to me Margie. He trusts me and I have to respect that trust by honouring it and nurturing it. I hope you understand.
He really is ok. We played some games together and my work just called and told me not to come in so I will be with him all day.
He is going to write a letter to his mom later this afternoon. I'll check the mail later today and mail his letter then.
I wish I could do something for you Margie. I wish I could make this better somehow. I love you mom.
Is there any way we can stop that cheque from being deposited?
|» last week- a funny thing happened as I watched 100 Huntley Street|
Original Message ----- |
From: Paula Snellgrove
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2005 7:31 AM
I'm a fairly regular viewer of 100 Huntley Street and today I saw a blonde woman by the name of on the show doing an investigation about same sex marriage. I knew a girl named many years ago in grade school at William G Davis in Windsor- it looked like it could be her. Could you pass this on for me? I know it's not of the utmost importance but I sure am curious! Thanks!
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2005 9:20 AM
> Hi Paula,
> What? You didn't recognize me from grade school? Are you saying I've
> aged? Yes, it is the same C who went to William G. Davis in
> How funny to hear from you! You never know who's watching.
> Tell me about your life for the past ummm 23 years?
My goodness, you have no idea how hard I laughed when I got your reply. So
It was actually hearing your name that clicked a memory chip for me and then
when I took a good look I thought "It could be her." Life is pretty weird
eh? :) Well congratulations on first of all being a Christian and
secondly, working at Huntley Street- one of the best shows on TV in my
opinion. God has done a lot of important healing in my life throught
So what have I been doing the past 23 years? You might be sorry you asked!
I'll give you the short version.
I don't remember if you went to Herman for high school but that's where I
went. I had a hard time fitting in until I found the drug crowd and that's
where I stayed until I got pregnant at 17 in 1986. Sadly, I aborted my baby
and only just came to terms with that this year thanks to Jesus. Anyway, my
parents had had enough of my troublesome ways and kicked me out of the
I started my career as a stripper less than a month after the abortion. I
became quite successful in that business and became a featured headliner and
I also did pornographic modeling for some men's magazines. I married and
supported my husband and myself in a decadent and destructive lifestyle
until we split up when I was 26.
I went back to school to get my grade 12 and 13 while still dancing and
drinking heavily. During that time I became involved in left wing political
activism and wicca and practised both religiously. Eventually I became the
chair of the board of directors of the Exotic Dancers' Alliance of Ontario
(now defunct). I really felt that sex work was a completely legitimate way
to make a living and that it was the likes of Christianity (which I hated
with a passion) and all the "patriarchal religions" which suppressed
sexuality etc. etc. I could go on for hours....
Fast forward to October of 2002- I'm at a club in Brantford and decide to
sit down and spend the night drinking instead of hustling. I see a baseball
game is on the tv and that a handsome man is sitting there watching it.
Being a fan of both baseball and handsome young men, I parked myself there
for the evening. Well this man named Lloyd changed my life because he was
the one who told me about Jesus Christ. He talked about this Jesus fellow
with such love that I couldn't get it out of my head for days. We had
exchanged addresses (he lived in BC and was just visiting his mom for 2
weeks) and I wrote to him and thanked him for showing me the love that he
had. We continued to write and then call each other and as he told me more
about Jesus, I began to see Jesus things popping up everywhere, even in the
sinful life I was leading. Even one of the dj's I met during that time was
a backslidden Christian! Lloyd invited me to come and visit him and I
accepted. I bought a one way ticket to BC. Most amazingly though was that
I decided to go and see my folks before I left. It was Christmastime and
there is a church two doors down from them. Well, I decided to go to the
Christmas Eve service and I cried non-stop for an hour and a half. I
couldn't stop. At the end of the service I saw a man that I thought I
recognized. "Paula?" he said. "It's me, Pat!"
This man had been the manager of the Million Dollar Saloon club in Hamilton
years before ( he and I had gotten along very well and partied a lot
together) and here he was at this church in WINDSOR! What were the odds?
He had dropped a hundred pounds, quit drinking and gotten back together with
his wife. He told me that it was Jesus who had helped him do it.
Well as you can imagine I was floored and that was one of the last nails in
A month later I was in this little village in BC on my knees asking God for
forgiveness and repenting of my old ways. I got sober, quit smoking
cigarettes and pot, and my little brother found Jesus 2 months after I did
strangely enough (we were the big problem kids).
Lloyd and I are married four months now, I work at a resort in the
wilderness and write a column for an on-line Christian newspaper. My
husband and I are also the new guardians of his 12 year old nephew Brandon
whose mother is unable to care for him because of a drug problem. We teach
Sunday school every other week. I hope to minister in some way to women in
the sex trade in the future. Life's pretty amazing- I never thought I'd be
where I am but God has done a lot of healing in my life. I'm writing a book
about my experiences to reach other women who are lost in the pit of
darkness. I feel that they are truly the forgotten ones and that Jesus is
crying out for us to love them.
Anyway, that's my life in a nutshell-please tell me about how God has worked
in your life in the last 23 years!
God bless you sister!!!!
> That is an amazing story, my jaw was on the floor! Wow. I'm so glad
> that you found Jesus and that He has been restoring you. It's amazing
> to hear that and that you recognized me today!
> Where are you in B.C.? I'm planning to go out that way in just a few
> weeks to tape some stories for "100 Huntley Street". Maybe I can do
> yours? We'd have to chat more, but would you be open to exploring the
> idea? I don't know where you are, but you have a story to tell, if
> you're ready to tell it. We'd also have to talk to your pastor,
> standard procedure for any Huntley stories. Let me know what you
> > So there you go, now we're up to date :-). It's been amazing to hear
> from you and your story.
> Now let me know what you think about doing your story!
> "100 Huntley Street"
Hi again C,
thanks so much for the update! Wow, God has really done some amazing things
in your life hasn't He? Good for you! Your job DOES sound like the best
one in Canada. :) I hope Africa happens for you! Your family must be so
proud of you.
I live on the Sunshine Coast in B.C. in a village of 100 people called
Egmont. (The people who live here call themselves Egmonsters.) It's a
ferry ride and an hour and a half drive north of Horseshoe Bay in Vancouver.
Google the "skookumchuk rapids". That's where I live. :)
I don't have a problem at all with you doing my story for Huntley Street,
are you kidding? I'd love to! I was actually the media spokesperson for
the EDA when I was the chair so I have a little bit of experience on camera
although it has been over 3 years now.
My pastor's name is Barclay Mayo. You may actually have heard of him as we
are one of the churches that pulled out of the New Westminster diocese over
the same sex marriage issue and are under the leadership of the Rwandan
diocese now. We lost our building just two months ago and now hold our
services in the local music hall. We just purchased some land though! God
is great! woo hoo!
Barclay's email is ********@*******
Wow, this day has been very surreal. God just cracks me up sometimes. :)
Take care sister!
|» the late Mrs. Howley|
Nearly two weeks since I last posted- what a sad reflection upon the state of my life! |
Another Lisa incident today-she called, Brandon cried, I wanted to kick her ass. So much for the love of Christ.
He wouldn't tell me what upset him so- he said that he'd given his mum his word that he wouldn't tell- which makes me wonder WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THIS WOMAN TELLING HIM THAT SHE IS MAKING HIM PROMISE NOT TO REPEAT????????
Lloyd and I had a good talk with him; Brandon showed more emotion in this talk than he ever has before. He said to Lloyd "How would you feel if YOUR mom was on drugs and you couldn't see her? Happy?"
We told called Lisa back and told her that if she gets herself back into rehab and is clean (we want urine tests) for two months, then WE will PAY HER WAY here to come and visit Brandon. She is insisting that she comes here first and THEN she will clean up.
WHEN PIGS FLY.
I think Brandon now has an idea that he will not be living with his mom again and I think it's a good thing that he can begin thinking about his future in a solid way.
But to tell you the truth- even bringing Lisa out here when she's only been clean for two months SCARES the daylights out of me. I know that if we fly her out here- she won't go back home- and then the REAL drama begins. I want no part of it.
Egmont church tonight- n othing spectacular, but the three of us did read the bible together when we got home- Mathew 11- this is NOT easy stuff for a new Christian, let alone a 12 year old one, but he is eager to hear it and he impresses me so much. He called a bunch of his friends tonight to ask if they want to go to vacation bible school next week with him and he managed to get two definite yesses. I'm really proud of him. And I'm really excited about having the mornings to myself!!!!
Lloyd went to bed early and while he was sleeping, his sister Lisa, Brandon's mom called. I always get a kind of pit in my stomach when she calls because I never know what kind of out of this world stuff she's going to say- what kind of crap she's going to feed to her kid. Today she wasn't off the wall but she did say that she's been clean a week and she asked if she could send Brandon's drum kit out here. |
My first thought was- you've GOT to be kidding me lady. There will be NO drum kit in this house. But I'm thinking that if we can find a place for him to drum, let's do it. I can handle a couple of structured hours a week for him to chase his dream.
Lisa asked him if he got his cd's in the mail yet and he asked me if he had. I told him that he HAD gotten them and that most of them were in the garbage because the content was really not cool. Lots of swearing, lots of casual sex, lots of blasphemy against Christ, lots of F*** the world attitude. The type of stuff I grew up with and know very very well.
(I have to mention that Lisa told Brandon that she had to go back into the world of drug people to try and get their stolen belongings back. Their stuff was stolen while they were out here for our wedding-Lisa had given the key to their place to a CRACKHEAD to feed their rabbits until they came home and for some reason she was SURPRISED that this crackhead had taken advantage of her and stolen all their stuff. I know Lisa was smoking pot while she was out here and she mentioned to a friend that she WISHED she had some coke- but I know this: YOU DON'T give your house key to a crackhead unless you are consorting with crackheads. She has told BRandon that she had to go back into that world to get their stuff back- bullshit lies to give her an excuse to coke up. He wants to believe his mom of course and told me that his mom went through a LOT to get those cd's back.
I told him that his mom had made a bad decision to go back to the drug world to get material things back and that she had put herself and him at risk in doing so. I explained that her drug sickness also made her incapable of understanding the power of the negative music she let him listen to.
He was really upset about that- and being a dancer- I completely understand. There is some music that I long for sometimes, that I miss terribly but just can't stomach because of the message they're sending. He cried. I tried to explain to him why I did what I did.
I told him the story of when I was 14 and really depressed and I listened to the Phil Collins album "hello I must be going" over and over and to one particular song- "I don't care Anymore" CONSTANTLY. I listened until I DIDN"T care anymore; until I was cutting my wrists. I showed him the scars.
TO my SHOCK- he confessed having similar thoughts about killing himself with an electrical wire so it would be over fast. I told him that that was one of the reasons I had to restrict this music- because they didn't CARE what they did to his brain and I want to give him a fighting chance- I don't want his head littered with garbage and misery. I want him to know LOVE and HOPE. I told him that we would get him some new cd's and that we would find some music that is appropriate for him that will kick butt.
It was SO HARD for me to do that. He loves music. He FEELS music. It IS in him. So I have to help guide this vessel while I can. I know I did the right thing. I hope I did it in the right way.
We read three chapters of Matthew tonight. We talked about the devil tempting Christ after his 40 day commune with God. We talked about 40 days and it's significance. We talked about why Jesus was baptized. He's so excited about this stuff. He asked if we could do 2 chapters a night instead of one. No problem kid, no problem.
Jesus, please help me guide this child closer and closer to you until he knows his purpose and is ready to serve you. Help me keep him safe. Help me to show him how to harness his creative energy for your glory. Help me do the same with mine Lord!
Oh Jesus, please touch his mother somehow so that she will SEE the seductive world of false spirituality for what it is. Bring her some hope. Lord, use me if you can. Keep me strong. Make me stronger. Lord, I pray for my husband that he will find more and more of a desire to minister to Brandon and become more of a father figure to him. I pray that he will take the initiative and begin to talk to Brandon about his transition into Christian manhood. Thank you Jesus for this boy. I love him. I also pray for any other children that you want to send my way Lord. You know my heart. In Your Holy name I pray,
|» Could it be she's coming around?|
I haven't posted here a lot this summer as usual because of my demanding work schedule and because of the new responsibilities I have with my husband and Brandon. |
And sometimes I just don't care enough to document my life. Sometimes I don't want anyone to know- not even the future me- what a truly selfish and nasty human being I can be sometimes.
I'm going to admit some things here tonight that are not very endearing to put it facetiously, and the only reason I have the guts to reveal them now is because Christ is giving me the Way away from them. And I have to reveal them TO remind my future self of what a royal asshole I can be.
It has been an adjustment to having Brandon here. I'm not his mom but I find myself in the role of primary caregiver to him and female "parent" because that's what we are doing-parenting him.
I see my mother's temperament in me now like never before and I have to pray right now about it. Please pray with me.
Heavenly Father, I ask you right now for your help in parenting BRandon, particularly with my lack of patience and my uncaring tone of voice. Please forgive me Lord for the callous way I have spoken to him sometimes and for the way I have belittled him and not taken his feelings into consideration. Dear God, sweet Jesus- I have never needed help more than I do right now. This isn't about me- it's about the way I help raise your child. It's about him learning to trust and love and to learn. God PLEASE remind me gently, lovingly and constantly that he is one of yours and that he is truly special. I bind myself to the mind of Christ, I bind my will to the will of Christ, I bind my heart to the heart of Christ and ask Lord that you bring me closer and closer to you and help me guide Brandon closer to you also. I loose and destroy all the negative thoughts of annoyance that enter my mind, I loose and destroy all that is not of YOU Lord. I thank you for the gift of this child and I thank you for giving me this "instant family". God- oh God, I only WISH I could express my love for you. I look forward to the day when I can adequately do so. I pray in Jesus' name.
I have been short with the boy, I have used this annoyed tone of voice with him more often than not; I have not been encouraging on a genuine level...what else... really I have done a terrible job. It has all seemed negative to me even though I DAILY pray for God to help me do a better job with him.
Before church today as we drove there, I prayed aloud in the car for God to speak to each of us in unique ways- for Him to reveal clearly what He wanted each of us to know.
As we lined up for communion, the Spirit spoke to me and I knew that I had to get real. I knew that I had to ask for his forgiveness- not just God's, but Brandon's. I had to make it real by bringing it out into the open. So I did. I asked Brandon to forgive me for being so mean to him sometimes. I sometimes have felt like the wicked stepmother. HOnestly.
He said "It's ok." and I said "No Brandon, it's not ok at all. I'm sorry I've been this way and I am asking for your forgiveness." He did forgive me as I knew he would, I mean, he's a sweet kid. What else would he do while in line for communion? Tell me "Sorry Aunt Paula- piss off!" ?
But it freed me in a way where my understanding of the importance of confessing our sins to one another deepened like never before. Humility is a powerful tool.
Ian's memorial was also this afternoon. I cried for like an hour. They sang two of my favourite hymns- HOly Holy Holy and My Jesus I Love Thee- which was sung at my testimony. I learned that Ian was in the RAF in Scotland and that he was a police officer before he came to Canada. I learned that he was 70 years old before he played the organ in public and began his music ministry.
My friend Ian Jackson was a man who was a gift from God in my life.
Richie was at the memorial- we havne't seen him in a long time. MOnths.
AFter the service, we went for a barbecue at Keith and Mara's and Richie came too as well as Hannah. Got Hanna's story which was incredible. REally glad to connect with her on a deeper level.
After dinner and after hannah and spencer left, we talked to Richie in a very honest and loving way about him avoiding church. Like Lloyd had in his past, he was turning to alcohol again and guilt and shame were effective tools of whatshisname keeping Richie away. WE prayed for him and talked to him and listened to him. Richie needs a stable place to live away from the people who jsut want to party. Please my friends, pray for Richie to find a place to live near dedicated Christians who love him. Please pray for him to have the desire to earnestly seek Christ to fill the holes in his life.
On the way home, Lloyd, Brandon and I sung songs to God. We sang "Breathe" and it sounded really beautiful. We sang "All For Jesus" as well.
Most exciting of all was Brandon's enthusiasm for wanting to know God's word. He talked excitedly about wanting to read his bible every night and praying to God. I'll tell ya, that was quite a thrill. We have such great talks together in the car. When we got home I asked Brandon if he'd ever seen a meteor shower. I remembered that this is a GREAT time of year to see "shooting stars" and folks, there's ONE streetlight in town and the nearest city is a three hour drive away. You can PLAINLY and clearly see the milky way out here. It is a real gift to be able to stargaze out here.
Anyway, I got out a blanket and some chips and water and a couple of pillows and Brandon, on his own, grabbed his bible and a flashlight and we went into the back yard. He read the first chapter of Matthew to me- which wasn't easy considering it's the lineage passage. If anything could thwart a kid's interest, it's that chapter. :) Then we lay back on the grass and the first thing he said was "WOW!"
And it IS a wow folks- you'd say it too. :)
So we lay there and we talked about a lot of things. I had a calmness with him that I've NEVER had. Jesus Christ, you are SO GOOD. Thank you. We saw about 20 meteors between us and we both shared the sight of the brightest one which brought forth a simultaneous "WHOA!!!" from both of us. What a gift.
And really special was that I found out he HAS accepted Christ. It was the on the evening that I asked him about it as we walked home from the lake a couple weeks ago. He told me what he said and I gave him a high five and held his hand for a little bit. We stayed out for about an hour. He asked if we could do it again and I said yes.
He also told Lloyd earlier that he wanted us to read the bible together as a family. HOLY SPIRIT is present in that boy and is doing His work!!!!!!!!!!!!
God you are good; you are GREAT. I LOVE YOU DADDY.
Lloyd and I are going to try again to make a baby in the next few days. Prayers would be really cool. :)